Dreams

I awakened this morning, not quite as usual, instead of the alarm, which had already been tapped on snooze, my littlest dog was getting sick to her stomach, just as I rounded the corner out of my room there goes projectile vomit spewing from her kennel, where I keep her at night. And, I had just mopping the floor! For some reason, all of the female dogs we've had have had this problem of being finacky eaters, and therefore when they get really hungry because they've protested their nightly or morning meal, the puke, my guess an unsettled stomach. Well, she ate her morning meal like a champ after that! My guess was probably correct she was hungry!

I ate breakfast with my husband as I usually do, but then my dream came back into my mind. Last night, I dreamt that Penn was alive again. He was laying on some table, and I knew he was gone, but because his skin was scaly I decided to put lotion on his legs and feet like I had done so many times before he passed. I started rubbing it in, and his leg began to lift up, on it's own. Then he started moving, as if all he needed was a little stimulation to come out of his deep sleep I knew as death. He opened his eyes, and looked at me as though he was stunned to be back in his body. I quickly picked him up and held him just thanking God that he was with me again. I craddled him, and went to wake someone up to show them that Penn was alive! She didn't seem too aroused by my news, which I didn't mind, at least I was holding Penn.

I used to pray to God that he would allow me to be with Penn in my dreams. I missed him so much, but I could never remember a dream whereby my prayer was answered. Last night it was, but ironically enough, it's after I realized yesterday how I was moving on. I don't think it's that complex, but it's ironic.

Before I fell asleep last night I read a short story about Christmas mysteries. The short story was called Live Tree. In the story, the main male character's brother shows up unannounced on the doorstep after having been let out of prison for good behavior on the holidays, with the contention that he'd return to prison. He brought with him a live Christmas tree to plant for the family. He spent three or so days with the family. But, after he left, they found a letter that had been mailed from the prison just days before his brother arrived. It was a death notice informing them that Willy had died of pneumonia, BEFORE he arrived at their house. So, as it appeared, Willy's ghost is the one that visited.

Undoubtedly, I went to bed thinking about this idea, and it happened that my dream involved Penn's ghost. I just wish that I didn't have to wake up thinking about it. Because even though it was so fresh the minute I awakened, I cannot feel what it was like anymore in my dream to hold him.

Van Morrison

It is so completely disgustingly cold outside, and I have four layers of tops on. The grass and trees look greener than ever, but I feel as though I have been transported to Greenland. At least somewhere in Greenland I have fascinated about, as I have never had the privilege to travel to the vast land, I have to dream about what it would be like. It's wet as can be outside, it actually reminds me a little of Washington state.

We used to live there, in the Seattle area. I grew up on Whidbey Island until I was 12, when we moved to Texas. I reminisced of those days on the green shady Island cool, but sunny until I returned when I was 22 after graduating from TCU. But, it wasn't exactly as I remembered it, and was glad to move back to Texas.

Recently I have watched two inspirational movies, as I am a movie watching guru. Namesake, and God Has Grown Tired of Us, both profound movies about the human spirit and the human culture, have inspired me to think about life a little differently. It's not just what exists beyond the end of your nose. There are worlds out there that are in fact different than mine. Most people fall into the habit, much like I have of being ego/ethnocentric. You only concern yourself with what is immediately important, and work yourself into a lonely place, though surrounded by others, you can't help but feel alone in your world.

These two movies made me realize how sad our culture here in America is. By sad, I mean literally, not that it's pathetic, but we are literally a nation that is sad. We inwardly seek to strive for better not realizing it is at the sake of our happiness. We live in a world crammed full of others, but we never even raise our heads to say hello, and when someone digs through the trash for a bite to eat we look the other way as if ignoring him or her will make it go away, after all it is so 'uncivilized'. We trick ourselves into thinking that we are better than everyone else, and our lives are the most important.

Perhaps I am going through a midlife crisis, but this doesn't seem right, and it doesn't seem like a great world to live in, but we do live in it and we do ignore others, and we do surround ourselves with mirrors so that we can always look our best reminding ourselves that we are...the best that is.

I titled this blog Van Morrison, because I have brainwashed myself today with his CD Blowin' Your Mind...while I researched umbrella non-profits, called Easter Seals of Central Texas, and others, and cut Penn's pictures out for insertion into our Christmas cards. Now I have to go build a fire, as the temperature is decreasing as I type!