Penn's little brother or sister

Well, got the sono on Tuesday. Says I am a little farther along than what my FP says. Says I am 11w3to5days, and that the baby has a normally long nose, and small amount of thickness in nuchal area, both signs that no DS present!

Everyone is happy. They are glad this will be a healthy pregnancy. It irritates me. To me it is like saying that Penn was not healthy, that he was not a good pregnancy. Dammit to hell. He was healthy, he was perfect, and the pregnancy was not unhealthy.

I cannot have Penn back. I know this, but the deranged part of me fantisizes about God giving me Penn back through this pregnancy. The maternal-fetal med doc also says with 80% certainty that it'll be a girl. Told people that God has a sense of humor, so much so he would give us a non-down girl, the opposite of Penn, which is what I really want (Penn that is).

My husband says I should be happy. I should be thankful. I am thankful that I am pregnant. That I will have another chance to squeeze precious little toes, and massage precious little legs and arms, hands, and head.

If she doesn't have DS, heart defect, and is a girl afterall, I at least hope she has Penn's hair!